weapons of MASS destruction

the title seems like leading to one of the innumerable anti-nuke protests mushrooming globally after NoKor's nuclear-testing infamy lately. well, i just needed one word from the title, and that sounds so significant for me lately (atleast for the past couple of weeks of my life, and next few minutes and hours and days to come as of this writing).

by elimination it doesn't have to be referring to "weapon" (i didn't embrace violence eversince); nor "destruction" (of which i am an advocate of order despite of my chaotic free-spirited approach in life); and much less "of" which may not sound too significant after all.

correct. you got it right, if you didn't, well, am sure you'd still get it.

i was recently diagnosed to have this so-called "anterior mediastinal mass". if it puzzles you likewise where's this found, well, it's "part of the chest between the sternum and the spinal column." well, if you google about the phrase, it's a lot tamer word to describe a tumor anyway. and much more consequence that goes with any other tumor in the world.

and so it has to be taken out and take definitive measures to manage the ailment.

of which i actually do not feel. except fot the CTscan images that show it--apparently in deep slumber enjoying the cool breeze rendered by my airy lungs, and a little thumping lullaby courtesy of the heart.

going through the rudiments of the tests and what-have-you in preparation for the forthcoming surgery, i get to receive almost a unison of comments: "are you a smoker?"

damn. the last time i smoked a stick was... honestly, i don't recall. well, that must be some eternities ago. i did puff some trimmed-softbroom-hairs wrapped in a gradeschool sheet, and then lit up (like most kids in my time would have tried doing so, as it were having the feel how grown-ups should be going about). i still laugh at this silly yet ingenous kidsplay.

maybe i should've opted to be a smoker instead. anyway i'd still get this costly prize. although, the cause may not be simply the dreadful smoke that gets through this part of human anatomy. in fact it's not perfectly determined which caused this one to exist. there's a lot of possibilities. my doctor was kidding me, as if to add a little more compliment: "it could've been worse than that if you are a smoker."

right now i feel just the same--physically, i still and can do the usual activities that i go about, day by day. in fact i tried to avoid telling people that i have been diagnosed with such tumor. because everytime people hear about it, they feel so sorry for me. i mean it could be an overstatement, but then everybody seems to feel so sad after all. and it seems unbelievable because i just played basketball couple of days ago and darted through flights of stairs in the hospitals where i frequent lately.

the "pain" sinks in the moment i am on my own. quiet. in deep solitude. as if this ailment has been delivered at my doorstep like a brandnew 3G mobile phone -- not much of a fashion-statement but going back to the basics and the essentials, it has been a tool for communication.

right now i am working on the signals. it seems unclear (probably typhoon milenyo has something to do with it). and then the messages may be easily decoded sooner or later. actually i have this message at hand, it's just that i needed more time to muster on these data.

talk to you later. i shall try to make a call.

p.s.

i still wouldn't want to be a smoker. promise.